I’m not your friend !

I’m beginning to dislike facebook…

Not.Your.Friend

By Bridget Ndlovu Jones…

The level of dislike has been building up slowly, but steadily, over the last few months. Like SABC Fifa 2010, I can feel it! Ke nako. It is here!

So, why haven’t I released myself from the jaws of fb? Because, like most addicts, I find myself with this ridiculous desire to know what people are feeling at any random point in the day. For example I know that right now that :

Friend 1 Has just posted a brilliant youtube video of The Sound of Music’s “Do Re Mi” being performed at Central Station in Antwerp, Belgium

Friend 2 “has had a puncture and is sitting somewhere on the M25 waiting for help”

Read more…

Friend 3 “wants to introduce her salary to her standard of living” - it seems that never the twain shall meet.

So what’s the problem? My problem lies with this whole notion of being ‘friends’. It takes me screaming back to my school days in the playground. On the one hand, wanting to be friends with people who don’t want to be friends with me. On the other - being asked to ‘be friends’ with people you wouldn’t want to be friends with, ordinarily, but with whom you ‘agree’ to be friends with so that no-one can see that you’re Norman-no-mates!

Or, lastly, wondering why a possible ‘friend’ is being suggested by facebook – this possible ‘friend’ being a mutual ‘friend’ of several ‘friends’ but who obviously doesn’t want to be your ‘friend’ because they obviously would have asked you. Ugh! It’s exhausting.

I once became ‘friends’ to someone who was a mutual ‘friend’ of a real friend of mine. For the life of me I couldn’t remember who this person was but I accepted her friendship anyway. Then this new ‘friend’ began to post comments on my wall about ‘remember when we…’ All of which I couldn’t remember but pretended to remember as I didn’t want to offend new ‘friend’. She was so delighted at my ability to remember as much detail as she could ??!!!??

I’ve also been, without pomp and fanfare, ex-friended. It was done oh so subtly. In fact I didn’t even notice until one day when I wondered why I hadn’t heard anything from my ‘friend’s usually vocal self. Seemingly (a word I do not like but I’ll repeat)..seemingly, she didn’t see the obvious benefits of our said ‘friendship’ and she just didn’t want to be vocal with me anymore. Hmph!

I’ve since learnt that, when a request for friendship is made, that there’s a fabulous ‘ignore’ button located in close proximity to the ‘accept’ button that does not send off any alarm buttons or pop up message shouting “Hahah!!! She doesn’t want to be your friend so bugger off!” messages.

I recently overhead my friend’s 3 year old exclaiming to her afternoon playmate, without fear or hesitation, “I’m not your friend!” Now that would be a really cool button!